


Steve no, you're gay

by rinnya



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Embarrassment, F/M, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mild Language, Non-Explicit Sex, Pining, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, but not really, catcalling, compliments, pre-serum steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-08-31 16:43:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8586016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinnya/pseuds/rinnya
Summary: A smaller blond popped up from behind, blue eyes wide, “woah, you’re hot! Did you crawl out from hell, because you look like you want to kill someone.”The drunk men around him muttered their agreement, and Sober Friend groaned intelligibly in his hands.“You have very pretty eyes!” The same small blond hollered.Natasha raised an eyebrow.Sober Friend called out, already reaching out to pull him away, “Steve no, you’re gay.”





	1. Steve no, you're gay

**Author's Note:**

> Lol

**Steve no, you're gay**

She stalked down the street, poison in her eyes and death as her shroud as the regular midnight crowd of passers-by gave her wide berth on the pavement.

Natasha’s heels gave the loud clicks against the pavement, turning heads the way she would have appreciated if she wasn’t just ready to break a limb. Not hers, of course.

Because being the assistant of Pepper Potts not only meant working with one of the most capable women in the 21st century, it also meant having to deal with Pepper’s genius-but-not-as-capable-as-his-girlfriend boyfriend, Tony Stark, who had somehow managed to run a multi-billion dollar company on his own.

With Pepper and 98% of his impulse control gone, the genius billionaire in question had managed to blow up a corporate building that did not belong to him, which meant more messes for Natasha to clean up.

She quickly dialed her emergency driver, who rattled off an address and told her he could get there in 10 minutes, which almost made her day better.

The redhead rounded the corner to see a rather run-down bar, and she wrinkled her nose in distaste as a group of men came stumbling through the doors, very obviously drunk.

Yet even in their drunken haze, they managed to spot her, and started whistling and calling out variations of “hey pretty lady,” which on another day might have made her pause because the men were admittedly attractive, but today it made her speed up her walk.

“Your murder strut is fuckin’ cool, dude,” she heard one of the men call, “so are your heels! I could never walk in those things. Made my feet hurt for a month!”

This made Natasha stop in her tracks, brain whirring but unable to process what she had heard.

She spun around to see a tall blond grinning goofily at her, and a dark skinned man - the sober, designated driver - shoot her an apologetic smile.

“Holy-” another of the men, a brunet with curly hair, gestured over, “is your hair painted with the blood of your enemies? Because it looks like it is.”

Those were… strange catcalls.

Sober Friend facepalmed.

Natasha resisted the urge to grin.

A man with hair dyed white stared at her, eyes widening until he proclaimed proudly, “you look like you could murder someone in twenty different ways with your pinkie!”

Now that comment, true as it was, Natasha could appreciate.

A smaller blond popped up from behind, blue eyes wide, “woah, you’re hot! Did you crawl out from hell, because you look like you want to kill someone.”

The drunk men around him muttered their agreement, and Sober Friend groaned intelligibly in his hands.

“You have very pretty eyes!” The same small blond hollered.

Natasha raised an eyebrow.

Sober Friend called out, already reaching out to pull him away, “Steve no, you’re gay.”

Natasha burst into laughter.

“I’m sorry, he’s very gay,” Sober Friend reassured, hands clamped around Steve’s struggling form, “Sam, lemme go! I need to talk to her! Hey, where did you get your - Sam, let go! - your heels? I need to be taller!”

Natasha laughed again.

“It’s Gucci,” she called back, and turned her head to see a familiar red car turn into the road.

The car slid in smoothly by the curb, and a tall brunet popped out on the other side, eyebrow raised, “Tony?”

“Tony,” she nodded.

“Your friend is hot!” Steve shouted again, interrupting the duo’s shared exasperation for Tony Stark, “is that your boyfriend? Or is he gay-” Sober friend clamped a hand shut over Steve’s mouth, shaking his head in despair.

“You have very nice hair,” the other blond shouted, “both of you.”

Natasha smirked at him, and turned to a confused Bucky, “they’ve been catcalling me in creative ways.”

“Shit, sorry, I should’ve given you another address-” he started, but was interrupted by Curly Haired Brunet, who waved wildly in their general direction, “That’s a cool car, man! We love the color! Blood of enemies!”

“See? Creative,” Natasha rolled her eyes in amusement.

Sam facepalmed, and released his hold on Steve, who squirmed away and shot Sam a betrayed look, before turning to Bucky, “you’re very cute! I’d suck your dick, then cook you breakfast. I’m a great cook, you should ask Clint! I’m also great at sucking dick, but Clint doesn’t know that.”

Natasha wondered who Clint was.

Bucky blushed prettily, which made Steve grin wolfishly, and Sam sighed, “I’m really sorry, he loses all sense of shame when he’s drunk.”

“It’s really okay,” Bucky murmured, already flushed as red as his car, and he slunk back into the driver’s seat.

“James is very gay too,” Natasha grinned, and slid into the passenger seat, “see you boys.”

Everyone waved and called out versions of “bye girl” and “bye Steve’s crush”, which just made Bucky blush harder.

 

 

 

 

 

“He’s kinda cute,” Bucky admitted.

“I know,” Natasha patted him on the shoulder, “you can pine later. Turn right, then left. It’s the building with… it’s the half of a building.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so for clarification,  
> The "taller blond" is none other than Clint (yes he did wear heels for a short while then swore to never do it again) and the "brunet with curly hair" is Bruce, while the "guy with hair dyed white" would be Pietro.  
> I'm probably going to add another chapter(s) to this lmao


	2. Steve no - oh hey, it's you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re on fuckin’ fire!” Someone hollered from behind him, and Bucky turned to see a very familiar sight - a dark-skinned man clinging on to a small squirming blond, both of them rather tipsy and giggling.  
> “Steve, no, this is a straight bar-” a familiar brunet with curly hair started, but took a double-take when he saw Bucky, “oh hey, it’s you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha Sorry if chapter 2 sucks

**Steve no - oh hey, it’s you**

“I’m really sorry,” Pepper waved her tablet in the air, “that you have to deal with more of Tony’s shenanigans, I swear I’ll make it up to you and Bucky.”

“It’s quite alright,” Natasha adjusted the stack of folders in her arms as she changed her strides to match Pepper’s, heels clicking against tile in sync.

“It’s really not,” the blonde rolled her eyes, “I don’t know what I’ll do without you both. Are you sure there’s nothing I could do? Absolutely nothing at all?”

Natasha thought for a moment. She stepped into the lift behind Pepper and pursed her lips thoughtfully.

“A vacation? An extra bonus?” Pepper muttered, “adding Apple Crumble to the buffet menu?”

Natasha grinned at that, “James would appreciate the last one.”

“Speaking of,” Pepper finally looked up from the folder she was reading, “I have not seen him in a while. What is Bucky up to?”

“He’s been hanging out at SHIELD, that old bar near his place,” Natasha said in amusement, “he met a cute guy but forgot to get his number.”

Pepper studied Natasha’s smirk for a short few seconds, and the lift door opened into Pepper’s private office floor. “You have the cute guy’s number, don’t you,” she said plainly.

Natasha let a slow grin spread on her face, “I may have talked to the waitress from SHIELD who may have been very happy to give up cute-guy Steve’s number in exchange for updates on the guy who Steve said he wanted to suck the dick of,” she gave Pepper a mock innocent look, and Pepper giggled, “tell me the story.”

..

“Do you see him?”

“I’ve been here for five minutes, Natasha,” Bucky snarked into the phone, and he could imagine her exasperated eye roll. “You’ve been there every night for the past week,” she sighed over the phone, ‘'maybe you should-”

“I’m not gonna leaveeeeee,” Bucky whined, dragging out the ‘e’, “maybe I’ll see his friends! He was really cute, man. He wanted to suck my dick.”

There was a poorly stifled laugh in the background that Bucky knew all too well, and it wasn’t Natasha’s.

The brunet’s eyes widened comically. “Is that Pepper? Wait, Nat, did you put me on speaker?”

There was a guilty pause, then, “...no?”

“Oh dear god Natasha Romanoff I will end you,” Bucky hissed, and he heard Pepper say, “it’s alright, Bucky, I think you having a crush is cute.”

“I’m not cute, I’m fuckin’ hot,” Bucky growled over the phone, and heard the two women laugh again, and-

“You’re on fuckin’ fire!” Someone hollered from behind him, and Bucky turned to see a very familiar sight - a dark-skinned man clinging on to a small squirming blond, both of them rather tipsy and giggling, with their friends seated around them, watching in amusement.

“Steve, no, this is a straight bar-” a familiar brunet with curly hair started, but took a double-take when he saw Bucky, “oh hey, it’s you.”

Bucky opened his mouth, blinked, then closed it.

Steve managed to wriggle out of Sam’s arms and he stumbled into an attractive brunette, who effortlessly plucked him off the ground (and Bucky might have, not that he would admit it, felt a sudden spark of unjustified jealousy, but then he remembered that Steve was gay. The fact had been broadcasted.)

The brunette righted Steve on his feet, Sam scooped him up again (which made Bucky’s second spark of unjustified jealousy insignificantly more justified), then sauntered over to Bucky,  “I’ve heard a lot about you, Steve’s already drunk, evidently,” she rolled her eyes fondly, “and he’s telling the story about how he met you and wanted to suck your dick,” she said plainly, “please shut him up. Kiss him or stick your cock in his mouth, it’d be much less graphic that what he’s been describing.”

Bucky blushed dark, “excuse me?”

Two squeals over the phone reminded Bucky that the call was still going, and he hung up.

The brunette very unsubtly dragged Bucky over to the table, and then skipped off, whipping out her phone.

“Please shut him up,” Sam slurred upon seeing Bucky, and unceremoniously shoved a giggling Steve off him, Bucky lunged forward to catch the small blond. Steve didn’t seem to mind the current turn of events and had already latched onto Bucky, burying his face in the latter’s chest.

“Um…”

“Let him suck your dick!” Another blond called out, raising a glass.

“Shut the fuck up, Clint,” the sober brunet with curly hair shoved him, and turned to Bucky, “I’m the designated driver today. You’re holding Steve, previously he was on Sam, the other blond idiot is Clint, and lying on his lap with dyed hair is Pietro. She’s Peggy, our waitress. I’m Bruce.”

“Um…”

Steve murmured something intelligible in Bucky’s arms, and shifted to bury his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck.

“Just to confirm, you’re gay, right?” Sam nudged him, eyebrows waggling.

“...yes?” 

“Cool. Steve’s yours for the night,” Bruce shrugged, “if you’re taking him home, leave your number and address with Peggy.”

Bucky opened his mouth, closed it, prodded at Steve, who was breathing softly with his eyes closed. Bucky  opened his mouth again. “I think he’s asleep.”

Bruce frowned, “Well, that’s a shame. I don’t know about dick sucking, but if you give him your bed or couch for a couple of hours and have at least 3 different ingredients in your fridge, he’ll make you a great breakfast.” He paused, “of course, since he’s out for the count, we can’t let you do that.”

Bucky stared down at the mass of blond hair on his chest, “um...”

Bruce reached out and Steve whined while he was unwrapped from Bucky, but immediately curled up against the new warm body (which lead to the third spark of unjustified jealousy).

“I’ll just,,, go…” he said, rather awkwardly. Bruce, occupied with dislodging a beer bottle from Clint’s hands “-no, you’re going to die from alcohol poisoning or something, Clint, dammit-” just waved dismissively.

  
  
  
  


 

Ten minutes from the bar, Bucky cursed softly.

“Fuck, I forgot his number.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky why


	3. Steve no - Steve YES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell him I want my lips over the head of his cock,” Steve sounded disinterested, but Bucky’s eyes widened comically, “and that I want him to bend me over the edge of Sam’s kitchen counter-”  
> “-Steve no, not my kitchen counter-” a faint voice protested. Probably Sam.  
> “-Steve YES, on your kitchen counter,” Steve returned.

**Steve no - SteVE YES**

Natasha lunged for her phone, immediately putting the call on speaker upon glancing at the caller ID.

“James,” she greeted, and waved for Pepper to stay silent.

“I forgot to get his number!” The man on the other line wailed through static. Natasha stifled a giggle, and instead nodded solemnly even though Bucky couldn’t see her. “What happened?” She asked anyway, despite getting the second-by-second detailed description from Peggy a few minutes ago.

“Okay, so to cut things short, Steve was drunk and he fell asleep, so I just left him with his friends and I left and ten minutes later I remembered that i never asked for any of their numbers!”

“Uh huh,” Natasha nodded again, “and what are you going to do?” 

“...mope,” came the answer. Natasha imagined Bucky in an oversized sweater and boxer shorts crying over Steve’s picture in a pillow fort, and snorted.

“It’s not funny,” he insisted over the phone, “I could have just lost the cutest lay of my life forever,” he moaned.

Pepper chuckled behind her a little too loudly.

“Wait is that Pepper again? Am I on speaker again? Nat?”

“Wow,” Natasha said as monotonously as she could, “James, the line’s breaking up,” and she pressed the end call button.

“Such an idiot,” Pepper chided fondly, and Natasha agreed.

\--

Bucky stared in betrayal at his phone, before flopping down on the mass of pillows. He crawled under the blankets and groaned into the cushion.

“You’re moping,” a voice said. Bucky groaned intelligibly into his arm, then rolled onto his back, staring up at the silhouette of a woman cast on the blanket that Bucky used as a roof.

“Go away Becca,” Bucky frowned at the silhouette,

The blanket was removed, and Rebecca smirked, slightly amused, “you don’t build a pillow fort unless you’re moping,” she stated.

“Go away,” Bucky repeated. He swung his arm upwards lazily, batting at the air in front of his sister’s nose.

“Go get laid,” Rebecca shot back. Bucky stayed silent a little too long, and Rebecca’s eyebrows raised, her eyes lighting up in realization.

“Is that why you’re moping?”

Bucky groaned again, and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillows. Rebecca laughed, and righted the blanket’s position.

The phone rang again, and Bucky reached for it lazily.

“Hey idiot,” Natasha greeted the moment the call went through, “still moping?”

“Fuck you,” Bucky’s reply was half-hearted, “I deserve to mope. I didn’t even get his number.”

“You would have, if you weren’t such an idiot,” Natasha said. Bucky heard the noises of papers flipping.

“You’re smart, Natasha,” Bucky said, “can you help me?”

He could see her eye roll over the phone, “I’m not going to help you get someone’s number, James. I’m not the one who needs to get laid.”

“You’re such an amazing friend, Nat,” Bucky snarked drily. Natasha was grinning to herself, “yes, I am.”

She heard Bucky huff and mutter something, a curse in either korean or japanese.

“Well,” she said, “instead of standing by the bar like an idiot for another week, why don’t you just ask someone at the bar for Steve's number?”

There was a pause as Bucky calculated his options, then an excited cry of “NAT, YOU’RE A GENIUS.”

“Of course I am,” she managed to say before Bucky abruptly hung up.   
He turned over and screamed in his pillow.

“I’m going to put on some pants,” he told his bolster, affectionately named Captain America after his favorite childhood comic series, “and I’m going to get his number.”

Captain America stared back at him, staying as silent as a bolster should. It looked exasperated, even as a red, white and blue striped bolster.

“I’m not going to fail,” Bucky said. Captain America stared back.

“You can go stare at someone else, you judgemental asshole,” Bucky narrowed his eyes and crawled out of his pillow fort. He stuck his tongue out.

Captain America, predictably, said nothing.

\--

“Hey, you’re back,” the brunette greeted. Bucky remembered her name was Peggy.

“Yep,” Bucky shrugged nervously. There were hardly any patrons in the afternoon, just a couple of people milling about with food and non-alcoholic beverages.

Peggy looked at him for another moment, then smiled knowingly, a mischievous glint in her eyes that reminded Bucky of Natasha. “You’re here for Steve?”

Bucky blushed. Was he that predictable, even by someone he only met once?

“You didn’t get his number from the last time, I bet,” she continued, “and he comes in with the boys only on Saturday nights, so you’re out of luck today. But since meddling in his love life is our group’s favorite past time, I suppose I can help you out a little.” She grinned, and dialed a number in her phone, before putting it on speaker.

The phone rang thrice, then the call went through.

“Dammit Pegs, I’m busy,” a very familiar voice snapped over the line, “Look I can’t talk now, can you please make it quick?”

“Can I give your number to the guy whose dick you want to suck?” Peggy asked casually.

“Huh? Oh, yea, sure, whatever. Ask him what flavor of lube he likes best, while you’re at it,” Steve snarked sarcastically, which told Bucky he was probably on the receiving end of a lot of teasing after his drunken antics. “You guys aren’t going to get tired of this, are you?”

“Nope,” Peggy popped the ‘p’ sound, “any other messages you want me to pass?”

“Tell him I want my lips over the head of his cock,” Steve sounded disinterested, but Bucky’s eyes widened comically, “and that I want him to bend me over the edge of Sam’s kitchen counter-”

“-Steve no, not my kitchen counter-” a faint voice protested. Probably Sam.

“-Steve YES, on your kitchen counter,” Steve returned, “and I want him to fuck me until we’re both lying in a hot and disgusting mess and-”

Bucky spluttered.

There was a pause.

“...he’s with you, isn’t he.” Steve said meekly. Sam hooted in the background.

“Yes,” Peggy proclaimed, and ended the call. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody give me more prompts on how Steve can embarrass himself


	4. Steve no, wait-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Steve no, wait-” Sam called. He tossed something in the air anyways, and Bucky caught a-  
> -a condom. Of all things, Sam.   
> “Safe sex is good sex,” Sam called, pocketing his 20 dollars. Steve flipped him off again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg why did I write this

**Steve no, wait-**

 

“So did you get his number?” Natasha asked, taking a long sip of her coffee, as though she had not heard the story already, once Peggy had stopped laughing to tell her.

“Yep,” Bucky said. He sounded triumphant.

“...and?” She prompted, when he fell silent.

“I haven’t called him yet,” Bucky muttered, suddenly bashful, “what if he was joking about the whole wanting-to-suck-my-dick thing? What if it was just a drunken joke and I’ll just be embarrassing myself? Besides, how am I supposed to bring that up?”

Natasha thought for a moment, then stood up, entangling her fingers in his and pulling him towards the door, “come on, we’re going to the bar, and you’re going to talk to him like a normal person.”

“Wait,” Bucky hissed, “he’s only there on Saturdays.”

She paused, then frowned - the past two times they have met, it was a Saturday, after all.

“Alright then,” she conceded, but made a mental note to check with Peggy. Bucky didn’t seem like he was lying, but he could just have cold feet. Bucky managed to somehow look both disappointed and relieved, and scampered off. 

Turns out, Bucky was right. How unfortunate that Natasha couldn’t kick his ass and had to sit through a few more days of hopeless pining. Granted, it was hilarious, but starting to get annoying. Bucky was all “Steve this, Steve that” except that they were all hypothetical and imaginary scenarios or retellings of the actual interactions, and funny as it was there were only so many times Natasha could hear about the same three incidents over and over again.

So when Saturday morning rolled around and Natasha found Bucky sitting at the edge of her bed and staring at her with a desperate expression, she kicked him off.

“Fuck! Nat!”

“What the fuck, Barnes, it’s 8. On a Saturday.”

At least he had the decency to look slightly apologetic. “I brought Starbucks,” he said, and continued to speak, but Natasha heard nothing more.

“Starbucks first,” she snapped, kicking Bucky in the side and pushing past him to see, ah, two frappuccinos and sickeningly sweet cupcakes singing a hymn on her kitchen counter. Natasha was convinced the Starbucks logo was not, as theorized by many, a mermaid, but in fact a siren. Nobody could resist it’s enchanting, diabetes causing call.

Bucky rubbed the left side of his ribs as he came stumbling out of her room, and he bounced impatiently on her toes and she took an agonizingly long time to finish her cupcake and sip her frappe.

“What do you want,” she said finally, setting the cup down.

“Help me pick my outfit,” Bucky whined, “you’re better at this than I am.”

Natasha blinked at him. “Is this what you woke me up at 8am for?” Her eyes flashed dangerously. Bucky seemed to get the memo and took a cautious step backwards, slouching in a way as to make himself seem smaller like a prey would under the scrutinization of a predator.

At perhaps 2 in the afternoon it would have been hilarious and a reaction worthy of a gloat, but it was 8am in the morning.

“Get out of my fucking house,” she snapped, and Bucky Barnes all but ran out of the door, just in time to miss the shoe thrown at his head.

When Natasha woke up again at 11am, she was greeted cheerfully by a second cupcake and frappuccino that Bucky had left on her kitchen counter when he escaped from a sleepy Natasha and a flying shoe. He had also left several messages on her phone, but those weren’t important.

She was reminded again that it was a Saturday, or the day of Bucky’s big meetup with Steve, by another beep. She checked her phone to see 15 messages from none other than Bucky, begging for help with attached pictures of well put-together outfits.

She wrinkled her nose at them. Bucky was right - he was good, but she could do so much better.

 

Natasha R: I’m coming over

Natasha R: Dick

James B: !!!!

James B: I love ya Nat

James B: <3<3<3<3

Natasha R: There better be food when i come over

James B: You had 2 cupcakes and 2 frappes

James B: I’ll get pizza

 

Natasha R: Tonight better be worth it

Natasha R: That asshole woke me up at 8am for fashion advice

Natasha R: He got me 2 cupcakes and 2 frappes

Natasha R: I kicked him out

Peggy C: LOL

Peggy C: Join our betting pool

Peggy C: Will Steve or Bucky make the first move

Natasha R: Fuckin Steve

Natasha R: James will stand there blushing until you guys have to leave

Natasha R: Then pine for another week

Natasha R: What are the stakes

Peggy C: 20 per head

Peggy C: Pietro and Clint are betting against Steve

Natasha R: Losers

Peggy C: Psh

Peggy C: Sober Steve is actually a real blushing virgin

Peggy C: It's his turn to be the sober driver today

Peggy C: I don’t know if he’s actually a virgin

Natasha R: Get him drunk

Natasha R: We’ll be there at 9

 

“This is a terrible idea. Let’s go home.” Bucky took her wrist and started tugging her in the opposite direction of SHIELD.

“We’re already here, James,” Natasha chided fondly. “You’re not going to embarrass yourself anymore than Steve did. He told you he wanted to suck your dick three times.”

Bucky didn't look relieved.

“Look, James,” Natasha looked at him, a rare moment of a heart-to-heart outside a busy bar at 9pm, “you’re one of the best people I know, inside and outside, and Steve is going to see that. He has definitely appreciated your outside, and drunk or not, both of you are going to hit off great. We’ve established that you both are each other’s types, and you’re going to blow him away and bring him to his knees, I just know it. Innuendo intended.”

Bucky blushed prettily, “thanks, Nat.”

“Great. Now get in there, I have a bet to win.”

“Wait what?”

She gave no reply, instead pulling him through the crowd until she saw Peggy, who nodded her head in the direction of the group of people they have come here to look for. Clint and Pietro were taking shots and playing cards with Bruce and Sam while they nursed their beer bottles, and Steve - wow, Steve was chugging directly from a vodka bottle.

Bucky’s jaw dropped. Natasha looked impressed.

Bruce spotted them first, and waved dramatically, accidentally slapping Pietro in the face. He went down on Sam’s lap. Steve placed the bottle - half empty - down with a satisfied thunk and grinned widely when he saw Bucky. 

“Heyyy hot stuff,” Steve waggled his eyebrows, and gave Bucky a deliberately slow once-over. Bucky blushed.

“Ya thinking about my offer?” The blond licked his lips. Bucky turned redder. Behind him, Sam was giving the duo two thumbs-up, looking very flushed and very happy at the prospect of his friend getting laid. Either that, or it could be because of Pietro’s face in his lap.

Not waiting for an answer, Steve hopped off his chair, swaying at his feet. Natasha gave a very unladylike snort and pushed Bucky forward. The brunet stumbled a little but managed to regain his balance in time for Steve to latch onto him and oh-OH

Natasha exchanged a four-way hi-five with Peggy, Sam and Bruce as they watched Steve kiss Bucky. Clint groaned, nudging Pietro, but he looked happy. It was a hilarious sight, really, Steve was several heads shorter than Bucky but had caught his collar and pulled the brunet down to meet his lips while he stood on his toes.

They finally resurfaced for air, flushed and panting.

“You’re not drunk,” Bucky said, after a heated pause, licking his lips, then realized what he did.

“Just water,” Steve shrugged, “confidence boost. Also an excuse if I fuck up,” there was a pause, then, “is that a yes to my offer?”

Bucky blushed. There was an awful lot of blushing today. Clint dug Pietro’s wallet out from the back pocket of his jeans, and started to shuffle 10-dollar bills, grumbling.

“...Yes?” Bucky finally answered. Steve’s grin turned feral and holy fuck thatwasohot and Bucky drew in a sharp breath. Steve licked his lips again.

“Ew, flirting, that’s flirting, just suck his dick already, no more flirting,” Clint grumbled. 

Peggy elbowed him. “Stop being a sore loser.”

Steve ignored then, and started pulling Bucky to the exit of the bar.

“Steve no, wait-” Sam called. Steve didn’t ignore him, but instead flipped him the bird behind his back. Sam looked absolutely scandalized, and brought his hand to his chest in a mock-pained expression. But he tossed something in the air anyways, and Bucky caught a-

-a condom. Of all things, Sam. 

Steve threw Bucky an amused look when he saw the object, and paused in his steps to stick his tongue out. It was incredibly adorable.

“Safe sex is good sex,” Sam called, pocketing his 20 dollars. Steve flipped him off again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a stupid fic idea that involved Bucky Barnes and his twin brother The Winter Soldier are roomies and that's all great until Bucky meets Steve Rogers aka his twin's boyfriend and <33 and it's WEIRD   
> also sorry if this chapter sucks


	5. Steve, seriously?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve came back in seven, burning red. There were several faces popping out of the bar behind him, grinning foolishly. Pietro and Clint hooted. Sam waved. Natasha was laughing too hard to look Bucky in the eye.
> 
> “Steve, seriously?” Bruce said, but he too was laughing.
> 
> “SHUTUPSHUTUP-” Steve yelled, crimson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What am I doing

**Steve, seriously?**

Bucky was pushed, rather roughly, into the back seat of Steve’s car. He turned around hooked his hand around the blond’s small waist in time to pull Steve down with him. They continued to kiss hotly, and Steve nudged the car door closed with his foot.

“Fuck,” Bucky hissed, as Steve licked his lips because honestly? That was such a turn on. Steve was such a turn on. Was it legal to be this hot? Bucky needed to arrest Steve. With handcuffs. Right now. Maybe not right now, they were in a car, but soon. Did he had handcuffs? Shit, he needed handcuffs. Was Steve okay with handcuffs?

He rolled them over on the seat so he was pinning Steve instead, and with elbows braced on the sides of Steve’s head, the duo continued to tongue. 

Bucky broke contact to breathe. It was hot in here. Was it just him? Obviously not. It was him and Steve. Or maybe it was because the air condition was off. 

Steve made a noise of protest below him, and Bucky looked down to see the blond staring heatedly up at him, biting his lip with his pupils dilated, and it was so unfairly hot that Bucky let out a rather unmanly whine. Thank god Natasha wasn’t here to see or hear this.

He went down again, burying his nose in Steve’s neck and nipping playfully, enjoying the squeals he elicited from the small blond.

“Bucky, right?” Steve panted, breathless. Bucky enjoyed the rasp in his voice, before replying, “yeah?”

There was a pause, then, “I need to pee.”

Bucky stopped his ministrations, which made Steve whine and squirm in protest despite the circumstances.

“You need to pee?”

“Yea,” Steve fidgeted uncomfortably, “I did just drink half a vodka bottle’s worth of water at once. I’m getting hard right now, but I think I need to make a trip to the bathroom. You know.”

“Oh my god,” Bucky let out a bark of laughter, and fell to Steve’s side, adjusting himself so that he was effectively spooning instead of pinning Steve. The blond in question looked sheepish, “did I ruin the moment? Yes, I did. Oh my god, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Bucky found himself giggling, “just go, man. I’d follow, but,” he glanced down at himself, still hard.

Steve blushed prettily, “right. Uh, give me five.” He got out of the car and adjusted himself hurriedly, flashing Bucky a nervous and pink grin that was just too cute, before stumbling back into the bar.

Bucky watched him go in amusement, before remembering that he was still hard and thinking about Steve’s lips against his or the friction between their jeans were not at all helping his case, especially with Steve in the fucking restroom of all places and Bucky needed to get off but Steve had a full bladder and he was too adorable and the situation was too hilarious for Bucky to blame him, but oH GOD HE WAS SO HARD FUCKING STEVE YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE.

Steve came back in seven, burning red. There were several faces popping out of the bar behind him, grinning foolishly. Pietro and Clint hooted. Sam waved. Natasha was laughing too hard to look Bucky in the eye.

“Steve, seriously?” Bruce said, but he too was laughing.

“SHUTUPSHUTUP-” Steve yelled, crimson, and threw open the car doors. He dived into Bucky’s lap and shut the door behind him. The boys were still making faces through the door, and Natasha had collapsed in Peggy’s arms, the duo grinning. Steve murmured something intelligible with his face buried in Bucky’s crotch, and the brunet purred appreciatively.

Steve made more noises, and Bucky could make out a string of words about the windows not being tinted and an apartment five minutes away, but his brain was too fuzzy to fully process it, especially not with Steve humming on his fucking erection, and Steve grumbled yet another badly-enunciated sentence about the car being new and how he had the seat dry-cleaned the other day-

‘-goddaMMIT MAN, DRIVE FUCKING DRIVE!”

Steve clambered to the front seat and started the engine, as Bucky collapsed in the back, right hand palming his dick and left hand raising the finger to Natasha and Clint, who were pulling stupid faces at the car window. Those little shits were laughing. Well, he didn’t blame them. It was a hilarious scenario, Bucky just wasn’t in the mood to appreciate it. He really wanted that promised blowjob.

They made it to Steve’s apartment in six minutes and thirty eight seconds, not that Bucky was counting but he totally was, and the moment Steve locked the door behind them Bucky threw them both onto the rug. He predicted bruises tomorrow, but honestly he couldn’t care about that anymore because they were finally in privacy and Bucky really, really needed to-

-shit.

Bucky stilled, holding his breath. Steve paused in giving the brunet a hickey, detecting the sudden change in atmosphere, and sat up. “Change your mind?” He sounded disappointed.

“No, I…” Bucky took a deep breath, wondering how he should go about voicing his concerns, but he figured it couldn’t be any more embarrassing for the both of them.

“...I need… uh, your bathroom.”

Steve couldn’t help it. He started laughing.

“Oh my god,” Bucky groaned, again.

“It’s the second door on the left,” Steve grinned, sitting back on his haunches, “Don’t take too long, now.”

“Fuck you,” Bucky shot back.

“Soon, I hope,” Steve grinned in reply. 

Bucky groaned dramatically, imagining Natasha and Pepper’s hysterical laughter. Dammit, he really needed to pee. This was totally all Steve’s fault.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Bucky griped. Steve threw a couch pillow at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends help


	6. Steve, no, come back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Noooooo, Steveieeeeeeeeee,” Bucky cried out. He twisted in the sheets, throwing himself towards the foot of his bed where Steve stood, reaching out to cup his ass.
> 
> “Buck,” Steve started.
> 
> “Steve no, come back, morning sex,” he groaned.
> 
> The blond shot him an amused look, and reached down to ruffle Bucky’s hair before pulling his boxers on. “Maybe later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry what SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN SO LONG OH NO I SWEAR I WILL DO BETTER HELP

**Steve, no, come back**

“Ugh.”

“Ughhhh Bucky.”

“Ughhhhhhhhhhh Bucky lemme up.”

“Shuddup,” Bucky whined, burying his face in his pillow. It was too early in the morning to move. He half-heartedly slapped the person under to him and burrowed deeper into the covers, pressing his cold nose to his Steve’s neck, who groaned again.

Hold on. Did he just say Steve?

Bucky’s eyes snapped open. “Steve?”

The blond blinked bleary eyes at Bucky, one hand shielding his eyes from the light from the window and the other on Bucky's chest. “Lemme up I needa pee you weirdo,” Steve waved a hand in his general direction, wincing under the glare of the sunlight.

Bucky blinked at him. What was Steve- what happened? Last night? Why was Steve in his bed? Was Steve naked? Bucky checked, then blushed deep. Steve was very naked, and so was Bucky. Oh my god.

“Dude,” Steve narrowed his eyes. He looked adorable.

Bucky blinked again, slowly. “What the fuck?”

“Dude. Man. Bucky, you with me?” Steve poked him.

“Oh my god,” Bucky said. They fucked, didn't they. Oh, they did!

“Yeah, okay, I need you to get off me.” Steve said slowly, again, like he was talking to a toddler.

“We had sex,” Bucky told him proudly.

“We did,” Steve patted his arm, “please get off me now.”

“You sucked my dick,” Bucky remembered, eyes bright, “it was- god, it was great.” His entire body is mildly aching and his dick feels great.

“Of course,” Steve nodded, understandingly. “If you want my dick to feel good, you’d get off me. Now.”

“Did I suck yours?” Bucky wondered aloud, a cheeky grin tugging at the sides of his lips.

“Now’s not really the time, Buck,” Steve deadpanned.

“Buck rhymes with fuck,” Bucky announced, almost triumphantly. He likes the feeling of Steve under him.

“Are we really doing this?” Steve poked him, again, and groaned because his bladder is killing him and so is Bucky.

“We did it last night,” Bucky nodded, looking very full of himself.

“Oh my god,” Steve rolled his eyes, finally coming to terms with the fact that Bucky isn't going to let him off the bed anytime soon. He let himself fall back on the bed, arms flopping at his sides.

Bucky grinned.

He rolled over to unpin the blond, who hopped up and rushed to the bathroom. Steve came stumbling out a moment later, wringing wet hands on a towel and grinning at Bucky, dick hanging in full display.

“Oh my god,” Bucky said, again. He licked his lips.

Steve shot him a look, and started to pull on his boxers.

“Noooooo, Steveieeeeeeeeee,” Bucky cried out. He twisted in the sheets, throwing himself towards the foot of his bed where Steve stood, reaching out to cup his ass.

“Buck,” Steve started.

“Steve no, come back, morning sex,” he groaned.

The blond shot him an amused look, and reached down to ruffle Bucky’s hair before pulling his boxers on. “Maybe later,” he murmured, “I’ll make breakfast.”

“Nooooooo,” Bucky called out again, “Stevieeeeee.”

Steve winked at him as he walked out, gesturing something that Bucky didn't need sign language to figure out.

Bucky stared.

“Oh my god,” he repeated.

Bucky did what he did best when he had to moan about something - he called Natasha.

\--

“James,” Natasha greeted, over the phone.

“Oh my god,” Bucky said.

“How was your night?” She asked coyly.

“He sucked my dick,” Bucky told her, proudly, “and then let me suck his, and put his in my ass.”

Natasha hummed.

“He also left me half hard in this bed when he went to make breakfast,” he continued.

“Shocking,” Natasha said.

“What an asshole,” Bucky nodded, “Steve’s great. Breakfast smells great.”

“He makes great eggs,” Clint said, in the background.

“And coffee,” Sam added.

“Tell him to cook bacon,” Peggy calls out.

“He makes great tea, if coffee isn’t your thing,” Bruce shouted.

“Are we talking about food?” Pietro’s voice could be heard, faintly.

“What the fuck,” Bucky said, “are you doing with Clint and Sam and Peggy and Bruce and Pietro at 8am in the morning.”

There was a pause.

“Bye, James,” Natasha chirped. 

The call ended abruptly.

“Oh my god,” Bucky repeated, again. He’d been saying that a lot.

“What’s up?” Steve appeared in view with a fucking apron, of all things. Bucky felt proud seeing hickeys blooming over his collarbone.

“Natasha hung up on me,” Bucky told him.

\--

“You made him think we’re having sex,” Clint groaned.

“Let him think what he wants,” Natasha sniffed.

Peggy snorted. “As if I’d do it with you people.”

“What? I’m great, I’m good at sex,” Clint gasped, “Baby, honey, sweetheart, guys, tell her I'm good at sex."

Pietro glared at him, briefly, then proceeded to plant his face down in Clint’s lap.

Bruce shrugged. He sipped his tea.

Sam squeezed his toes under Bruce’s thighs and flicked through the newspaper.

“Thank you, friends, for the support,” Clint spread his arms haughtily, “it is appreciated. My dick's not interested right now, man-who-is-as-fast-as-his-nickname. Tea is disgusting, BB, and nobody reads newspapers anymore, Samuel. Fuck you all.”

"No thanks," Peggy sighed delicately. "Maybe in my next life?"

"Pegs," Clint told her, "this open relationship would always have space for you."

"I don't like people," Peggy deadpanned.

“Can we go back to the movie,” Natasha interrupted, “they are about to reach Paradise Falls.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Pegs is ace. And Clint/Pietro/Bruce/Sam woo


End file.
